whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
