I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
