I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
