I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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