We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize