That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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