My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
