so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
