Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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