38 yer olds are good kisserssss
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I looked at my own cervix.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
