Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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