Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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