Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
My balls are so social today.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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