she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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