Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
