We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
