My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
