Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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