I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
