I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Randomize
