It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
