I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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