I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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