Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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