I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
