i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
