what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
