I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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