I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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