I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize