I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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