Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Randomize
