Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
