I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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