dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
