im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
