I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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