Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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