Don't you send me to vm
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
