glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
