Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
