they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
