Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Randomize
