sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
