The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
