It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
