While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
