Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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