What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I think people are normalizing furries
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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