wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
