Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize