My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
