about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
