when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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