hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
