Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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