it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
So vagazzling was a success
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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