I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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