As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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