if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
