i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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