I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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